My realities of being a naive surrogate
I've been a surrogate twice now, and by that I mean I've fully completed 2 journeys. I have been matched 4 times over all and almost matched once. I realise it sounds so bad but the reality is that a lot of matches or almost matches end and thats ok. Ok so if someone is matched 12 times in as many months then thats not really ok but what i mean by that is you should not worry if you've had failed matched and talking about them doesn't mean you are automatically bitching. i know that in the surrogacy world I'm known as bit of a hard arse but as I've always been honest about is that i was the idiot that got screwed over the first time. I was new and naive and foolish and i paid the price. Not jus that but my kids did too. So I thought i was write a couple blogs about my experiences but try not to make it too long. (this means it'll be a novel, get a coffee)
First time was a fluke almost. I think Friends probably has a factor in my choosing to be surrogate as well as my personal experiences but there i was at work pregnant with my daughter Alice when a work colleague asked if i was done having babies and I responded by saying that I was done having babies for me but id quite like to be a surrogate. Now this got a very surprised reaction and a declaration that her son and his girlfriend were looking for a surrogate. I knew nothing about surrogacy but we all got tests and checks and then met up many many months later a fair while after my daughter had been born. Originally going to do GS but their egg donor dropped out. They never even asked me if i was ok with using my egg, just assumed i would so meh. I went with it. It was very difficult as they were not easy to get hold, expected me to work around their needs etc and on,y came over every 2 or 3 months as it suited them. They didn't pay for any tests and i spent a few hundred over the months on pee sticks but i carried on. 6 insets in we got a positive test! Finally. I go to 10 weeks or so and started to spot. I managed to get an early scan a few days later that showed the baby had passes away about a week previously. I had suffered a missed miscarriage. I was sent home ad told to go back in a week for a second can to ensure it was correct. I may miscarry in the mean time. If not they'd then book an ERPC to remove the pregnancy. That week sucked. I called my IPs and informed them of the loss. I did not hear from them for 4 months. The IFs mum supported me and told them what was going on but they blanked me. I went back for the scan which confirmed the pregnancy was over and was booked in the monday morning for the op. On sunday morning in the early hours I passed the baby at home. I went in as instructed to have everything checked and it ends up that I have retained products and had to have the ERPC anyway. I'm not sure what they got but ends up the baby had chromosomal issues which meant out was not compatible with life. $ months later when the IPs contacted me I got a guilt trip for destroying their dreams. I should have walked but I didn't. I explained that due to the scans, ops, recovery and some minor complications post op I had been left in a reasonable amount if debt. I also knew the IFs mum had informed them. They did nothing. I ended up a few thousands out of pocket as i'd been off, hubby had been off, no wages but the bills still come out or tried to resulting in bank charges, late payments and all that jazz which quickly snowballed much to my dismay they did not care. Anyway they stand they were ready to go again and would be very in a few weeks to do insems. Being the broken puppy i was at the time I agreed. Seriously what in the lords name was wrong with me?!!! ha Anyway they continued to be pretty inconsiderate of me and my life, my kids, my anything really and then asked me to contact clinics about IUI. I did and they were asked to send in paperwork etc, I think the clinic accidentally on purpose forwarded more to me than they should have as with the leaflets and stuff about the procedures was also the SA my IFs had forgotten to show me.... Less than 100, 000 sperm with a 78% malformed sperm. He knew insets were very unlikely to work and still tried but wasn't honest with me about it. Hubby put his foot down and said enough at this point and I ended the match.
I am often sad about how it went and wished I'd been able to find the information I wanted to back then. I'd looked on youtube and blogs etc to try and find info and only found stuff about America which wasn't very helpful. Post loss i found a great online forum called Friendship Through Surrogacy and absorbed every bit of information that I could. It was amazing! Such a support! I also decided to document my journey on Youtube so if anyone else was looking like I had been they would find me and I've been there ever since! lol
I don't know it all but i pride myself on learning from my mistakes. No one is born knowing this stuff and there is no shame in that. If you are not sure, ask. Someone is likely to know.
Don't worry, none of the other journeys were like this one! hahaha